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Grief is not as cookie-cutter or linear as the five stage process would like us to belief. It is messy, unpredictable and can be triggered by almost anything that reminds us of the one(s) we lost.

The Hospice Foundation of America once likened the grieving process to a roller coaster ride, full of ups, downs, highs and lows. Like grief, it is a physical process as well as mental, that jars, lifts, bumps and jostles. There is the initial plunge in the beginning that is always scarier than we expected accompanied always by a sinking feeling that are stomachs are about to empty if not come out of us all together.

And before we can recover we realize there is still so much to experience; the griever is strapped down, immobile and can do nothing but let the coaster (or grief) take control.

Another metaphor that has just recently risen out of the psychological wood-work is that grief, or more generally loss, is like a pinball machine:

"As on a pinball machine, there are triggers which can prolong or even restart the process. For the mourner these could be the anniversary of a death or a special event they used to share with their loved one."

Margaret Baier of Baylor University and Ruth Buechsel of Brooke Army Medical Center both of whom suggested the metaphor, say that this model can be adaptable adaptable to help those coping with separation, divorce, loss of employment or financial loss, say the authors.

Though I do not believe that grief should be likened to any sort of game or joy ride, what these analogies have in common is that they both shy away from the classic linear five stage model of grief that attempts to give reason and stability to people in a time of unfathomable pain and loss. Both models stress that just as there are many different types of coasters and pinball machines, there are different types of grief and coping strategies. The most important point to know is that you are not alone and though you may be experiencing grief the only way you know how, other's are doing the exact same thing.

The Mayo Clinic advises all grievers to acknowledge the pain felt as a healthy and natural part of the grieving process. Other helpful advice includes:

• Look to loved ones and others you trust for support as isolation isn't a healthy way to deal with grief. Having someone who can share your sorrow or who can simply be a shoulder to cry on will help in the healing process immensely.

• Don't make major decisions while grieving. Grief clouds the ability to make sound decisions. If possible, postpone big decisions - such as moving, taking a new job or making major financial changes. If you must make decisions right away, seek the input or guidance of trusted loved ones or other close contacts.

• Take care of yourself. Grief consumes a significant amount of energy and can be physically as well as mentally debilitating. Try to get adequate sleep, eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine. Consider a medical checkup to make sure your grief isn't adversely affecting your health - especially if you have any existing health conditions.

• Remember that time helps, but it might not cure. Time has the ability to make that acute, searing pain of loss less intense and to make your red-hot emotions less painful - but your feelings of loss and emptiness might never completely go away. Accepting and embracing your new "normal" might help you reconcile your losses.

If however you feel that you are suffering from such symptoms as severe depression, frequent loss of temper, or thoughts of suicide, seek professional help such as group meetings, clinical consultations and/or spiritual healing.