Mental Health

What is Stonewalling and How to Overcome It

By Dynne C. | Update Date: Jan 17, 2024 01:34 AM EST

Stonewalling is a communication behavior in interpersonal relationships characterized by one party's refusal to engage or respond to the other. This behavioral pattern can impede effective communication, leading to frustration and emotional distress. 

It is rooted in the body's stress response system. When faced with conflict or a perceived threat, the sympathetic nervous system triggers the fight or flight response, flooding the body with stress hormones. For some individuals, this physiological reaction may manifest as stonewalling -- a defense mechanism that avoids confrontation. 

Stonewalling can have severe consequences for relationships, leading to a breakdown in communication and emotional disconnection. Persistent stonewalling can contribute to increased levels of anxiety and depression in both partners. In long-term relationships, it may even act as a precursor to more significant issues, including separation or divorce

This is why it is important to practice proper communication and avoid stonewalling. Here are some ways to overcome stonewalling before it gets out of hand.

Awareness and self-reflection

Individuals need to recognize when they are stonewalling. Self-awareness is the first step towards breaking this communication barrier. Once they start accepting this flaw, it will be easier to address.

Emotional regulation

Developing skills to manage emotional responses is just as crucial. Techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness practices can help individuals regulate their emotions during tense moments. 

Expression of vulnerability

Creating a safe space for expressing vulnerability can promote open communication in relationships. Encouraging individuals to share their feelings without fear of judgment can mitigate the need for stonewalling.

Accountability

Taking responsibility for one's role in the communication breakdown is essential. Acknowledging mistakes and working towards positive change can rebuild trust and help build healthier communication.

Self-soothing

Individuals can benefit from developing personalized techniques for self-soothing during moments of stress. This may include engaging in activities that bring comfort, like walking, lighting a candle, playing calming music, or taking a hot shower.

Seeking professional support

In cases where stonewalling becomes chronic, seeking the assistance of a mental health professional might be necessary. Therapists can provide tools and strategies to address underlying issues and improve communication patterns.

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