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While each individual in a long-term relationship retains their unique identity, the relationship eventually shapes their thoughts and actions. 

This is called "partner convergence," also known as the "Michelangelo phenomenon."

Coined by psychologists Caryl Rusbult and Paul Van Lange, this phenomenon likens the process of couples shaping each other's personalities to a sculptor shaping a block of marble into a masterpiece. 

Over time, individuals in a relationship subtly influence each other's beliefs, values and behaviors. As they navigate life together, they develop a shared understanding and language, gradually aligning their thoughts and actions.

Proximity and shared experiences

Proximity is one of the main aspects of partner convergence. When two individuals spend a lot of time together, they naturally become exposed to each other's ideas, habits, and perspectives. Shared experiences further reinforce this process, as couples go through challenges and joys side by side. Through continuous interaction and communication, they develop a shared understanding that may even sometimes be understood only by them. This lays the foundation for similarity in thinking and behavior.

Social learning and mimicry

Humans are inherently social beings wired to learn from those around them. In relationships, individuals often unconsciously mimic their partner's gestures, expressions and even speech patterns --a phenomenon known as social mimicry. This mirroring effect not only creates feelings of rapport and connection but also contributes to the gradual convergence of thoughts and actions.

Confirmation bias

Confirmation bias, the tendency to interpret information in a way that confirms preexisting beliefs or expectations, also plays a role in partner convergence. Individuals may selectively perceive and remember instances where they and their partner think or act alike, reinforcing the illusion of similarity.