Mental Health

How to Stop Caring About What Others Think, According to an Expert

By Dynne C. | Update Date: Jan 26, 2024 02:26 AM EST

The desire for social approval and fear of rejection often influence the thoughts and behaviors of people.

FOPO, or fear of other people's opinions, is a psychological phenomenon that can have profound effects on mental well-being. FOPO activates the brain's threat response system, triggering stress hormones that can lead to anxiety and even depression. 

Performance psychologist Michael Gervais says that having FOPO is normal. He has seen it happen a lot, especially while working with big names, including Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella and members of various sports teams like the Seattle Seahawks and the Red Bull Stratos. 

Gervais has shared three ways to conquer FOPO:

Awareness

One of the key steps in overcoming FOPO is recognizing the subconscious tendency to derive a sense of self-worth from the opinions of others. By acknowledging this tendency, individuals can begin the journey toward reclaiming their internal validation. The process involves cultivating self-awareness and learning to appreciate one's worth independently of external judgments.

Refocusing the mindset

Shifting focus from performance-based validation to a purpose-driven identity is a powerful tool to overcome FOPO. It is important to align personal goals with intrinsic values. By grounding one's identity in a sense of purpose rather than seeking constant approval, individuals can build resilience against the impact of external opinions.

The spotlight effect

The spotlight effect, a cognitive bias wherein individuals believe they are under constant scrutiny, exacerbates FOPO. This phenomenon is rooted in the brain's overestimation of how much attention others pay to our actions, and it, in turn, causes anxiety. Recognizing and challenging the spotlight effect can diminish the fear of judgment, allowing individuals to navigate social situations with greater ease.

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